OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
