My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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