FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
