You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
