HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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