Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
