What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
