The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
