end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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