I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
