Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
