blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
