ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
