At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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