the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
