Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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