At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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