i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
