if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
