I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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