peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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