Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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