is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
