eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
