I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
