Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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