she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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