I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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