So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
