New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
