I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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