we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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