Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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