we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
