Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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