I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
