btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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