How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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