Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
