I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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