You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
