Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize