Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
