im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ttyl tear gas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
