Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
