if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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