I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
