At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm always down for nudity.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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