wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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