Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
