i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
