DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
