the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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