hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
