My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm bleeding and have questions
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
