thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
