; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
