I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
