Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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