his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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