I wanna passion pit in your ass
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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