Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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