He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
