while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
