My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
