He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
