New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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