I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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