community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
